a thousand thoughts · life and me · My people · through loves.


Yesterday, me and him had a moment.

So I had a bad day and start crying in the train and I didn’t stop till I came home and he hugged me and we just lie down and talked. I have this moments when I have a situation that make me nervous or stressful  – and I start to question everything : my life, my choices, my mind, my feelings. But now I feel more bad about crying because I have this little angel in my belly, who hears me and feel me.

He is so calm. Why he is so calm? Whenever I cry, he shows me love and care. He doesn’t push me and tries to take the bad away. I love this man, so much. I can’t seem to see how I got so lucky – is like I am waiting the life to hit me again and I am forgetting to just live the moment. But he is here with me, and I already put my life in him.

My confidence issues got worse. Is like if its not this, is that and all over again time to time.

I was hurt in the past, and even our relationship was not rock steady – all this feeds my fear. So trust is kinda there and here. But just to think about it – how can I say I love you without trust? Of course, I trust him, its just my fear is a bad monster.

My explanation is : I was not loved before him. Now I question every movement he is making, every word he says, everything about him. And moments like yesterday, I was just thinking ‘to swallow every tear and stop crying cause he will leave like the others.’

I seriously expected that he would say ‘to stop crying, or that he is tired of my tears and all of my moments, or maybe that he is losing his patience with me.’ Instead – he comforts me and love me and say that he cares about how I feel. This is love, isn’t it? Would be cruel to make someone to feel so good and don’t have the intentions.

and now…

Thank you my love for putting up with me, making sure my feelings are in good place and my heart doesn’t know sorrow.  I hope I make you happy as half as much you make me happy. You are my heart and I felt you from the first moment I saw you, when I turned around as I was waiting for you for our first date. You are the family I look into and I can thank enough the fate or God or just life that I got you finally – my meant to be man. I love you P. Thank you.


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