about disease and feelings · Music · My people · through loves.

Hold on, we are going home…

This week … is just past continuous all the way up to hell.

I couldn’t cry today, not even a tear. No crazy thoughts through my mind and I didn’t even get angry. But on the other hand, I felt stupid. I got cold and very stubborn.

I was just sure that this is not the end, that he is not that guy who will let me wonder or will call me bitch for cutting the call when he was speaking. I just knew, so now, I am crying.

He is my home, his face brings me joy and when he hug me – I have this ‘cranberry’ feeling (I have some cranberries candles – you should try them before trying to understand me). He is all this peace and calm vibes. He is somebody that I usually didn’t let in. But this one is mine.

I am allowed to be happy? Maybe that why I am messing up, this fear comes and goes.

and all I want is this :


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